11.24.2004
- Well, here it is again. Thanksgiving anyone? The holidays are my favorite time of the year, probably because of my unexplainable obsession with Christmas lights. Some part of me that is coiled up like a spring all year long just unwinds when I see a beautiful Christmas tree filled with lights. Forget the presents, the food, the parties...just give me a few thousand tiny light bulbs and you'll have a happy woman on your hands.
It was also about this time of year that I lost my virginity, years ago. I haven't thought about that in a long time. It wasn't a wonderful romantic gentle first time, rather, I just wanted to get it out of the way so that I wouldn't have to be a virgin anymore. I couldn't be bothered to actually date someone long enough to get to that point, either, so I had to turn to other means.
Late one weekend night, when I had the house to myself (don't worry, I wasn't that old...my guardian was out of town), I had over my best friend and her boyfriend. When his best friend found out what was going on, he decided to tag along, and bring some mexican piss (corona beer). My friend and I had never really drunk before, so we mixed the beer with cream soda (surprisingly good, actually, for mexican piss) and got busy. Guys being guys, a game of strip poker ensued. Let me nip your train of thought in the bud, though. My friend and I have known each other since we were 4...she is the absolute last person in the world I would sleep with...that would be even worse than incest. YUCK!!
Anyway, since both of us feel that way, the game didn't proceed very far before we split into two couples. She and her boyfriend ended up in my upstairs bedroom, in my bed (yuck again), while I attempted to work on homework. During these games, the friend had gotten massively drunk, and passed out on the couch. Great evening...can't even sleep in my own bed.
I suppose I should tell you a bit about the friend. First off...he was married. Second off....he was older. Third off...he was married. The married thing is the part of this whole story that bugs me a lot. I don't believe in frivolous marriage as so many people do today, but I do believe in keeping your vows if you do take them. So, the next part is not exactly something I'm proud of...but it happened.
I ended up wrapped up in a blanket on the floor in front of the fireplace, trying to ignore the snoring log on my couch, and the giggles coming from my bedroom. After a few minutes of darkness and silence, I heard the couch move, and suddenly, the friend was on the floor beside, me, arm wrapped around me, whispering drunken naughty thoughts in my ear. I froze, panicked, freaked out. I wasn't a touchy-feely person, so I had always been very susceptible to being touched, especially by men. So, as much as my mind was screaming stop stop stop, my body just couldn't do it. Soon he was kissing me, those demanding, masculine kisses that just take your breath away. He rolled me over and held me down as he struggled to get my pants off, then his. I still couldn't stop him, couldn't even fight him, just lay there in shock. My mind wandered, until I remembered something. I was on my period; I had a tampon in. That thought actually gave me enough gumption to move, fight back, but by that time it was too late.
I lost my virginity with my head being pounded against the cold hearth, tampon wedged at a very uncomfortable angle, and my best friend making out in my bed. If only I had not been the nice friend, if only I had made them sleep on the floor so I could have my bed. If only, If only, If only.
But, as I said...it did get that pesky virginity thing out of the way. I never really heard from him again, not that I wanted to. If I had my way, it wouldn't have happened, a feeling that always leaves you feeling slightly dirty for a long while. I felt even worse when I did hear something about him...he was getting divorced. According to his my best friends boyfriend, after he cheated with me and realized how easy it was, he just went off the deep end, sleeping around, eventually leaving his wife and 1 year old son for a dancer fresh from high school.
I suppose I'm still wishy-washy on the whole ordeal. I don't think about it much, and when I do, I always feel sad. I can't imagine loosing my virginity any other way, it just wasn't in my personality, but I wish maybe it had been with someone else, (someone not married, perhaps?). I do firmly believe in not changing a thing of your past, though. I'm quite happy with the person I am today (mood swings, panic attacks and all) and the life I have for myself. I think if I changed even one little thing, it would radically affect today's reality. So, like it or not, that night is a part of me. Just like my fascination with Christmas lights.
Happy Thanksgiving
- Sex is such a relief. I was in bed all day yesterday with a migraine, waking up only to let him use my body to get off. Love that feeling, wake up to sex, doze off covered in cum. mmmm...fufilling. Today, we switched places. We got a new porn, and plopped down in a next of blankets and pillows in front of the TV, me leaning against the couch, him at my feet, head resting between my legs. Easy way for him to make sure I wasn't touching myself. Gr. Mean man. Every time he talked or moved, though, it was rubbing against my clit, so it worked. hehehe, good me.
We got to use my newest toy, too, a nice little bullet to replace the one I killed a few months ago. I really need to go easier on my toys. By the time he got it out, I was all wet and shaky, so it only took him a few seconds to get me right up to the edge of orgasm, then he stopped, started fingerfucking me real slow, letting me come back down. We only get the time to play like this once in a blue moon, so it was a complete surprise to me.
I spent the next eternity ( more like 5 minutes) begging and begging to cum. I'm glad we only get to do this occasionally, I don't know if I could stand it much more. I ended up cumming hard and long around his dick in my ass. GAWD that hurts, but lord, with that happy little bullet, I could have cared less! Thankfully, we moved around a little, and he forgot my ass for a second...at least until I was on my knees in front of him, both of us watching Aurora Snow get rammed up the ass (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yummy), that obviously inspired him, because next thing I know, he's got my hair wrapped around his fist, and is tearing up my ass. I was screaming bloody murder, which I'm sure helped, because it only lasted about 30 second. Thank god for sadist men.
- okay, this is a quick and inebriated post, so please forgive any errors. it is approximately 3am. I have just gotten home after a wonderful night out dancing with my dancer girl and a few other friends. I haven't this much fun in a long time. I haven't had this much trouble typing in a long time either.
Anyhoo, long story short, she called me and told me to meet her and a few other people in 20 minutes (impossible, being as she was 45 minutes away from me) but, I tried my best. After meeting up, we all left our cars there, and she drove us to her house, where we finished getting ready. After a few clothing swaps, we headed off to the club. Soon we were all in, though I was the only one drinking. Okay, Okay, I know it wasn't the best idea, but the last time I drank with friends was over a year ago. Give me a break.
So, as I quickly got drunk, we ran into the friends we were supposed to meet there. Three girls, who all acted a little less than straight. GAWD I love gay girls. I ended up flirting with a BBW and dancing with her...all soft and cuddly. My other friend finally introduced us to her g/f, a short girl with a stocking cap on. A little dykey for my tastes, but she had the absolutely most gorgeous smile I've ever seen. I spent the whole night trying to make her smile. gawd, it was worth it too. By the time we left, one of our younger friends had a crush on her. Can't blame her, I think I do too. :) But, I made a deal with my other friend...I could flirt with her g/f all I wanted, as long as I didn't try to take her home. I quickly took her up on that offer. As you can see, I came home alone :)
As for my dancer girl, gained some interesting info. She doesn't consider herself bi, but she has had a threesome with her b/f and another girl, and isn't adverse to doing it again....and....she and her boyfriend don't get to see each other a lot....mmmmmm....Trust me...I would never ever ever interfere with a relationship, but if it falls apart by itself, I'll be there to hold her hand. :) And other parts. At least she wasn't in the least bit scared or offended by me admitting that I like girls.
Anyway...sorry if this all didn't make a whole lot of sense...I'll try to post something a little more sane tomorrow or later when I'm a little more sober.
- Well, the new job is going well, as well as any job; you get your assholes and your sweethearts. I have discovered that I will definitely miss the sweethearts at my old job, though.
Got to see my dancer girl today, and she asked for my number *winks* It's not quite as naughty as it sounds. The Wednesday night out got pushed back a week, and since I won't see her again before then, she got my number to fill me in when the time comes. Exciting. I really can't wait...no better time to hit on a girl than when she's slightly inebriated. ooo, I'm so bad...I hate it when guys have that opinion...but they have it easier...they have a great chance that the girl is at least interested in their sex...I have a much less better chance that my dancer girl is bi...most likely just playful. But, thanks to the new job, not only can I go, but I'll have time at home to get dressed and look extra nice. I'm really going to have to put some thought into what I wear. The bad part is I've never been there before...good part is I'm going in a group with a regular. So, no matter what happens, I'm determined to have FUN!!! Hopefully I'll be back on Thursday with some interesting stories.
- The only thing that kept me awake tonight during my last 45 minute late night commute was little blurbs of fantasies....nothing past kissing (wouldn't want to drive off the road *winks*) but potent just the same. Imagining soft skin, soft kisses, soft hair...mmm. I need a girl...and fast.
Unfortunately, it won't be happening anytime soon. Not this weekend, at least. I'm spending most of it out of town, teaching younger girls. A few older ones from another group I teach will be there helping, which will be fun, but odd. It's hard to teach people close to your own age, hard to know exactly where the uncrossable line is. A few times I've been slightly startled to realize that some of my girls are hitting on me. I never really think of them as students, more as friends, so I didn't think anything of it when I showed a few my new tattoo, but later, as we got back to teaching, I started to realize that maybe that hadn't been the smartest thing to do. I think this year I'm going to have to be more careful, more of a teacher and less of a...well...girl.
Sunday is out for girl hunting too...spending it shopping for new work clothes with my aunt. I'm very excited about this new job, especially since it's part time, but it is a little more dressy than my current job, so a blitzkrieg of the local clothes stores is definitely in order. Fun Fun.
Anyway, I suppose I shall have to force myself to crawl into bed and kiss a big hairy muscley guy instead of a soft smooth yummy girl. Awww...poor me, eh?
- Life is a roller-coaster. Yesterday I was having panic attacks at the prospect of being jobless and moneyless, today I'm on the top of the world. A job I had completely written off called me this morning to ask me to start on Monday. WOW.
This still leaves me moneyless of course, but at least I have prospects in the future! It is amazing how much of your life revolves around money. Money and sex, that is.
Sorry I haven't been posting all the time recently, haven't really had time to sit down and devote my full mind to this site, but hopefully that will change after tomorrow. So, if you have any requests or ideas, leave me a note, and I'll work on it!