Ponderings and Porn

2008-05-08T19:21:00.002-05:00

We were sitting in the bar, attempting to grab food before more important things. I had my nose buried in my laptop, trying to finish work before the weekend, when I noticed the waitress eyeing you.
I watched out of the corner of my eye as she stood at the bar with her friends, peeking at you. I admired the view as much as you when she strutted by on her way to other tables. Perfect little apple cheeks. The important ones, of course. Long straight hair brushed the top of them, waving back and forth in time with her pendulum hips. Apples indeed...ripe for a bite.
"Scrumptious, isn't he?" I asked with a conspiratorial wink when she brought our food.
Blushing, she dropped my plate the last 3 inches and ran. Literally.
I snickered. Why is it that girls assume the worst?
You sighed. Long suffering. Knowing I'll have my fun, and it knowing it will be worth it for you to wait. Patiently.
Knowing your part, you leave quickly, giving the waitress your best come hither look as you gracefully exit stage left.
I sit at the table. Waiting. Patiently.
Eventually she comes round again, no pendulum hips this time, but a subdued and unenthusiastic saunter, knowing that leaving the check was going to be an unpleasant prospect.
I have the bills waiting for her, and stand up quickly as she stops, surprising her.
"He is scrumptious, you know. All over." I pause, but not long; she's very close to fleeing my grasp. "You are to, darling. Quite...delectable. You know, I have quite a little thing for watching him take luscious little things like you up to my office. I think I'll find it quite enjoyable to watch your heavenly little face writhe in ecstasy on the cold hard wood, watching the city lights play over both your faces, knowing anyone looking up would find the view just as erotic as I do"
I leaned forward, watching her face the whole time. She grew pale, then flushed. Her breath came quicker, and her plump little lip got caught on one white white tooth. As I went on, I lowered my face slowly to her ear
"And after you can't take it anymore, and you've collapsed onto that cold desk, grateful for the support, knowing those long legs won't hold you up...then I'll come up behind you. He will watch as I kiss those back of those adorable knees. Up those long, smooth thighs, to that candy apple ass. I might have to take a nibble there, you know. I'm sure you won't mind, would you? After all, how are you going to stop me? Then up to those delightful hips...they are quite perfect, you do know that, don't you? I'm sure I'll be able to convince you to turn over, let me stick my hot tongue in that angelic little belly button, won't I? And up to those hard, hot nipples, so glad of the warmth of my mouth after that hard desk? And oh, I'm going to cover this graceful, smooth neck, and I think I'll end up right..." I flicked my tongue out over her earlobe "Here."
Abruptly, I straighted, and stepped back. Reaching around her, I grabbed my purse, pulled out my phone, and looked at her expectantly.
"May I have your number?"

2005-12-02T11:35:00.000-06:00

Why is it that men who perceive themselves as dominant think that they need to prove this dominance to everyone around them by treating women as if they are too stupid to chew their own food, and then assume that this is a turn-on to any and everyone? Yeah. It is for some women. Hell, if I knew them, it might even be for me, but some random stranger approaching me and attempting to order me around like some little slave-slut is going to get the proverbial boot up the ass (or would, if it were in person...why hasn't someone invented a computer that will slap someone upside the head when they're being stupid?)

2005-09-29T04:49:00.000-05:00

A man walks up to a woman, wraps his arms around her, and lowers his mouth to her neck. He lets his hot breath play over her tender skin as one hand slips down over the curve of her ass, and the other comes up to cup her head, fingers threading through her hair. He raises his mouth to her ear.
"I need you"

2005-07-29T07:50:00.000-05:00

I'm all about pictures lately, so I had to share another. This is joining my Evil My Little Pony in the running for my next tattoo. The artist, Greg Martin, is probably my favorite artist, and the sinister and alien beauty of it just makes me quiver. Well, maybe not quiver, but I do love it.

2005-07-27T13:12:00.000-05:00

Well, a couple of my stories have been posted on Literotica. I'm hoping to get some feedback, so if you got here after reading one of my stories, please, let me know what you think!
Life is getting better, waiting for His mother to come to town, then away with the sex-repressing pills!!! I can't wait, though the past couple of days have been good, wonderful hot sex first thing in the morning, great way to start the day (or in my case, end it). It's nice to know that my sex drive is still there, it just needs a bit of jump starting!
Anyway, thanks for being patient with me.

2005-07-18T23:35:00.000-05:00

Wow, who knew you could have a mid-life crisis so early? I think I had mine already. And, I think it might be over. Here's hoping.
I've made a few changes (including taking out two piercings, one a nipple ring), and have made an appt to get on different happy pills (I'd rather be sad and have an interest in sex again, thank you very much!), and things seem to be brightening up again.
Hopefully I'll be back to posting soon (I know, I say that a lot)
So, I'll leave you with some pics of Jennifer Ellison, the incredibly hot Meg from the Phantom of the Opera

2005-07-03T07:28:00.000-05:00

I lay on the edge of the bed, naked, knees pulled up and spread, waiting. A shiver broke over me, leaving goosebumps and hard nipples in its wake.
After what seemed an eternity, He came into the room, closing the door lightly behind him. His hands were full, and the small bowl and washcloth made me wince. He set them down on the dresser, next to a razor and shaving cream, before turning to look admiringly at me. I couldn't help but bite my lip, a mixture of dread and excitement filling me. The thought of letting a man, hell, any other person, use a razor on me, much less on such a delicate part, was rather frightening.
He took his time dribbling warm water over me and lathering up, fingers occasionally slipping and rubbing bare skin that obviously didn't need lather. I kept my eyes closed, trying to master my discomfort. Once his fingers disappeared from me, I took a deep breath and held it.
"Ready?" he asked.
I nodded, not able to voice my agreement.
The first, hesitant stroke removed approximately three hairs. I blinked down at him in surprise. "That tickles!"
He threw me a small grin, and gestured me to lay down again, and started in earnest. Long smooth strokes, frequently water laden, had me nice and warm in moments. Wandering fingers mixed with the threat of the steel had me fighting to keep still. Occasional taps on my hood ring or fingers up the ass, however, broke through my determination.
When he finally declared that he was finished, my hands immediately reached to feel. I protested as soon as he batted them away, but received only an evil glare as an answer. I frowned back, then groaned as he brought out the camera.
No immediate picture was taken, he just turned it on, and set it on his lap. After washing all the spare lather off, he slowly bent down, and flicked my clit with the tip of his tongue before transferring his attention outward, long slow licks up and down, warm, hot, wet. My moans brought no response, but my hands, sliding over his head, encouraged him to latch onto my clit, sucking it into his mouth and nibbling it while sliding a finger into my pussy. This little bit of heaven ended much to soon as he sat up and grabbed the camera.
Before I totally registered the loss of his mouth, I hear the click of the awful camera, popping my photographic cherry before I could even protest.

2005-06-24T09:36:00.000-05:00

You Are Subversion!
You are systematic and secretive. Sometimes even very calculating. Most everyone trusts you but they have no idea what really goes on in your head. You are capable of being nice or mean, whatever a situation calls for. You look out for #1.

What Naughty My Little Pony Are You?

I generally don't post quizzes on here, but I couldn't resist today. I have been obsessed with My Little Ponies since childhood, and own a collection of about 300. I have also been trying to think of a good way to get a MLP tattoo that would still reflect me. I think I just found her.

2005-06-20T14:04:00.000-05:00

Ahhh...the weekend. A time to sleep, post on my blog, and find good porn. Not necessarily in that order, of course.
Sadly, my weekend and His don't normally coincide, so they aren't quite as enjoyable as they used to be, but even without his extra attention, life is still good.
As I sat down to write this post, I was teeming with ideas, things I wanted to talk about, girls, boys, words (does comfortable really have 4 syllables? Or have we cut it down to 3? Say it...) but I keep getting distracted by my turtle, Nubbin, who has decided that she wants to climb out of her tank (right beside me) and come see what I'm doing. Nothing takes the mind off of sex like reptiles. Well, for me at least. *smiles*
I suppose I should leave you with something to tide you over, so here's a cute link from Slave Sluts via Bondage Blog.
For those of you more interested in interactive fun, try Shokushu High School

2005-06-15T05:13:00.000-05:00

I apologize for the break, it has been hard to find time to post. Not much to post about either, just stopped by to make sure nothing was wrong.
I have found some interesting people at my new job, a very sweet lesbian who was only there for a week, but managed to make the hours fly by with a wonderful sense of humor nicely balanced with a love of a good raunchy tale. As far as I know I was the only bi girl there that she ferreted out, but I am beginning to wonder about another woman...a very cute redhead who hangs around to talk with me after her shift is over, and always pauses before she says bye, as if she is expecting something. I can't tell whether she is just shy and awkward (like me) or if it is something else. He says I should hit on her, and that I'm missing it when she hits on me, but I don't know. I'm too shy to say anything obvious, and not at all smooth at hitting on girls under normal, everyday circumstances (haven't we done this before?). Men are so easy to read and catch, but with women, it's so much harder, because you can't even assume that they are interested in your sex, much less you! He doesn't understand that, having never experienced it. Men!
Anyone with hints on how to feel a girl out, please leave a message. But, help or not, I'm on my way to bumbling through it. Wish me luck.
I have also had the luck to work with a very nice man, one of those tall, shy guys who are so nice and sweet, tripping over themselves around a woman, even though they themselves are insanely attractive and have every right to be arrogant about it. Definitely my favorite type of man, guaranteed to never make an ass out of themselves by talking about your "ass and tits". Manners, the lost art.
I had to leave the best for last. If He wasn't already firmly in my life, I would be quite tempted by a man nearly 5 years younger than me, one not quite in control of his love life yet, one who has no problem complimenting a woman without using the afore mentioned "tits/ass", one that loves a conversation about tattoos and piercings, but gets flustered and has to walk away when "south of the border" work is mentioned. Quite a handsome man, whose idea of a cold shower is lifting weights. I'll let you imagine what he looks like. Thankfully for me, he is a self-proclaimed science nerd, and quite used to being single (though god knows why). He is quite good at being purely platonic friends with a girl without letting the sexual tension get out of hand. I had forgotten how much fun it is to have a guy friend that you can tease about sex and porn and such.
All in all, life is quite busy. I will attempt to type up some stuff that has been floating around in my head soon.

2005-05-19T13:14:00.000-05:00

I keep having a fantasy about my new boss, a very nice man in his late twenties, tall, dark haired, and very handsome. He's quite married, and I am happy with my male, but I still can't get this image out of my mind.
I walk into the room to find him there, alone. I stop, hesitant, but he crosses to me with one quick step, and locks the door behind me. He looks me up and down once, then grabs my shoulders and pushes me down. I kneel before him, looking up at the haughty look on his face. He's fully dressed in his suit and tie, with only his zipper open to reveal a nice, fat, hard cock. I slowly lean forward, worried until the first contact that he will pull back, push me away, forbid me this chance. I slowly lick up and down his dick, pausing ocassionally to suck on his beautiful clean shaven balls. I peek up, only to realize that he is looking out the window, totally uninterested in me, as if daring me to draw his attention. I try my hardest, swallowing him almost to the base, ignoring my gag reflex, playing with his balls, nibbling on the head and down the shaft, wrapping my hand around his cock and jacking him off while sucking on the head, humming softly with the head of his dick down my throat. He shoots me a "are you done yet?" look, before gazing out the window again. I close my eyes and double my efforts, loosing myself in worship of his cock, occasionally reaching around and grabbing his ass and pulling him towards. Suddenly, he responds, weaving his hands into my hair and fucking my face with hard, quick strokes. Startled, I open my eyes and see his head thrown back. A small moan escapes him, and I answer. With one last thrust down my open throat, he comes, looking down at me with an almost frightening intensity as I swallow everything he gives me.
He holds my gaze for a few more moments before slowly pulling back out of my mouth, tucking himself back in and zipping up. Without ever saying a word, he walks out of the room.

2005-05-05T23:17:00.000-05:00

Quite an interesting possibility

2005-05-03T17:23:00.000-05:00

I finally got my tattoo finished.

2005-04-20T22:47:00.000-05:00

Life is good. I got a call today from a rather nice hotel near where I live, offering me a job substantially better than the one I interviewed for. Thank God for older male General Managers who can't resist a sweet innocent woman who promises to work hard. *fluttering of eyelashes*
Of course, being night auditor means that I will no longer be able to crawl in bed with Him at night, but I do leave late enough that I can get some attention before I go to work.
It isn't exactly the job I was hoping for, and I have yet to hear back from an even better one, but money is money, and I'm bloody tired of scrounging to pay bills. So, starting May 4th, I will officially be one of the working folk again.
Hopefully working and having a steady schedule will settle me down, and I can get back to why I really started this blog, porn! Until then, bear with me, and check out Stile , there is a new update chock full of yummy stuff.

2005-04-17T23:36:00.000-05:00

Job hunting is never fun, but I think I have a couple of prospects, hopefully I will hear from them in the coming week. Hopefully being employed will mean an increase in posts.

Why is it that men that will eat without first washing their hands and consume all sorts of questionable substances (dirt, dust, metal shavings, paint, ect.) but react with disgust when asked to lick the kitty? And why do these same men who observe their female partners obsessively wash everything that they eat later present an unwashed penis and expect it to be sucked clean? (note, this does not relate to Him, well, except the lack of handwashing)

2005-04-06T00:59:00.000-05:00

No post, just use your imagination.

2005-03-31T23:47:00.000-06:00

So, the guilt has gotten to me. I will now post.

Sorry, though, still no inspiration.

I will ponder, however, on the difficultly of finding a job. The ups and downs of the job search are really starting to get to me. I spent a whole afternoon contemplating all the things I could do with money once I had a job, on the vain hope that an interview scheduled for later that day would provide the aforementioned job. Of course, once I got there, I found out that the job I had applied for was actually two states away and I would have to relocate. Hm. All of my imagined treasures swirled down a drain before my eyes. Yes, the search is getting to me.

What's even worse, I have gotten rid of 4 trash bags of clothes and shoes, and now every morning I stare at my empty closet and wince, knowing that even if I do get a job, I'll be wearing the same outfit every 3rd day until I get some paychecks under my belt. Ahhh, the agony of being female. If a man committed this crime, not one person would notice, but a woman!!! Never a good way to make a good impression at a new job.

Ohhhh well, life goes on, and tax returns will hopefully provide a little spending cash. Hopefully, a few new toys to inspire me, too. *winks* Maybe even a last setting on my tattoo. When I get it done, I will post a pic.

Oh, by the way, if anyone has been following long enough to wonder what happened to my pretty little dancer, well, you and me both. The usual fade-away has occurred, so, on to new and better pursuits. He took me to a local show last night, and I found a whole new crowd of women to drool over...hm...maybe inspiration will hit soon after all...

2005-03-21T20:08:00.000-06:00

Sorry, not a lot of posting lately, much pondering to do. Trying to find a new path in life, never a fun or easy thing to do. Hopefully things will start smoothing out, and inspiration will strike again soon. Until then!

2005-03-09T22:00:00.000-06:00

I woke up out of a dream to hear the alarm screeching a few inches from my head.

Never a pleasant awakening

Somehow, the little shit had managed to fall onto the bed and slid between the pillows and end up right next to my head, leaving him sleeping soundly a few feet away. How rude. This just begs for revenge. Or whatever it is called when you take out your bad luck on an innocent bystander.

I slid over to his side of the bed, and under his blanket. He was as hot as a furnace, as usual. He only shifted slightly and mumbled "mmm-hmmm" when I ran my hand down his stomach and thigh, and back up to cup his balls. Mmmmm, indeed. Yummy balls, all loose and warm. I can never resist a good set of balls, especially his. Something just fascinates me about them, I can play with them forever, pulling, rolling, pinching, feeling them tighten up and become loose again. After taking a few minutes to indulge myself, I set to work with my revenge. Warm hands, warm semi-hard cock quickly becomes warm hands around a hot, hard cock.

"Gettoff, I gotta pee"

I ignore him, and continue stroking up and down his dick, pausing to cup his balls at the bottom of each stroke. He obviously forgets his bladder and falls back asleep, because it's a good 5 minutes before he pushes my hands away and rolls out of bed.

10 minutes later he grumbles his way back to the bedroom, slams the door, slams the closet door, slams the dresser drawer, and slams the bedroom door again. I giggle.

Sweet revenge.

2005-03-02T00:52:00.000-06:00

It was a boring, too-long Friday, and my fuck buddy had just called to tell me he was going back to his ex. Blah. There go my plans.
So, I buried myself in my work, ignoring occasional im's from the typical empty profile. Then came a profile with a picture. Of a cock. A rather nice one, at that. I was intrigued.
I answered him, and he asked me if I wanted to give him a blow job that night. Why the fuck not? I agreed, and gave him my number. Throughout all of this, my heart was pounding, and even thinking about it now has got me all sweaty palmed and jittery. I was doing everything they tell you not to. But, hey, What else did I have to do?
After a quick phone conversation during which I ascertained that he had a wife (supposedly separated, yeah, right) but was bored. He was also rather older than me. But, I was horny. So, I threw caution to the wind, and gave him directions. I spent the next half hour franticly cleaning my room, warning my roommates what not to say, primping, even laying my hand-crocheted afghan over my bed.
When the time came, I walked outside and across to the place we had agreed to meet, a few blocks from my apartment. I was pleasantly surprised to find him rather attractive. A nicely build blonde blue-eyed marine. Suddenly, this didn't sound that bad at all.
We sat in his car talking for a while, before I asked him back to my place. He walked in quietly, nodding hello to my roommates, and closing the door firmly behind him once he entered my room. My little girl, glow in the dark, posters on the wall room. A room that he had outgrown a good 20 years before. I felt stupid all of a sudden, and nervous.
He took all of that out of my hands by unzipping his jeans, and sitting down on my bed. His cock was just a gorgeous as in the picture he had sent me, long, slightly curved, and thick. Perfect. I had no problem sucking, nibbling, and rubbing on that monster.
After about 10 minutes of this, I was rather horny, imagining how it would feel inside me. We hadn't discussed true sex, but what the hell? I slowly crawled up his body to kiss on his neck and ears, pausing to whisper invitations until he reached down to my unbutton my pants.
Before I could even stop to consider what my raging libido had gotten me into, he had slid smoothly inside of me, stopping all thought. Thankfully, my body knew exactly what to do in this situation, and started slowly riding him.
This wasn't up to his standards, I guess, because he rapidly turned us over, and started those long, slow strokes that drive every woman crazy. I was no exception to the rule, and came rather quickly, trying to be as quiet as possible.
To my chagrin, I heard a long moan come out of my roommates room. He heard it too, and looked at me, confused. I blushed, and admitted that my male roommate got off on hearing me have sex (Say it with me now, EWWWW). He laughed, and suggested that we give them a show. I tried to say no, but I wasn't given much of a choice. He slid down my body and buried his face in my pussy, licking and nipping like a starving man. Thank god for older men. He ate pussy like he had a degree in pussology, bringing me to three quick orgasms before sitting up to pound into me until he came.
We lay there for a few seconds, reveling in that aftersex drowsiness, before the awkwardness set in. I went to the bathroom to clean up (running into my female roommate on her way out), and spent about 5 minutes talking to him afterwards, before he left. We never knew last names, ages, anything.
I spent the next few months feeling guilty, and rather icky about the whole thing, until my roommate pointed out that hey, it was just a one-night stand. Suddenly, having a name for it made it all right, less dirty. For some reason, that cleared everything up in my head, and I've even gotten to the point of being able to talk about having had a one-night stand. Definitely not something I'd like to experience again.
He contacted me again, about a year afterwards, just to say hi, and see if I was single. I was rather relieved to be able to honestly tell him no. I don't think I want to start that all over again.

2005-02-27T00:49:00.000-06:00

I've been exploring, and found this site, via Eros Blog. It hit a little too close to home, so I had to share. C'mon now...Why hasn't thought of doing this? I'm so glad someone finally took the time to draw them up.

2005-02-23T23:06:00.000-06:00

As we climbed the stairs, I made sure she was catching a good view up my skirt. I could feel the confusion and indecision in her. I knew how hot and wet she was, but she was hiding it, unsure of what would happen. As I opened my door and let her in, she just looked at me. I stalked towards her, delighting in the fear the flickered across her face before she could hide it.

"Silly, silly little girl, going home with strangers." I growled, circling her, running my nails over her smooth neck and enjoying the moment.

She said nothing, looking straight ahead, but I saw her hands moving, fluttering slightly as if she couldn't control them. I stopped behind her and lowered my mouth slowly to her neck, biting down just hard enough to make her whimper. Her head fell to the left side, exposing more of her neck, making it easier for me to lick a line from her shoulder to her ear. I exhaled warm air into her ear, making her jump. When I put my hands on her waist, she whimpered again, and tried to take a step away. I pulled her back roughly into me, and growled.

"Now, now, none of that" I whispered, slowly bringing my hands up underneath her shapeless black shirt to her black lace bra. "No, none of that."

Her hands hung stiffly at her sides as I slowly massaged her small breasts. She gasped sharply and sagged against me, though, when I reached into her bra to lightly pinch and tug on her nipples. "oooo" she murmured faintly turning her head to bury her face in my neck.

"See? Doesn't that feel good? You don't want me to stop that, now do you?" I asked softly.

She shook her head and responded just as softly "No, please, don't stop."

"Good girl." I smiled. This might not be as hard as I had thought. I reached up with my left hand, and tilted her face to meet mine. This time I could kiss her thoroughly, tongue tracing her lips, demanding entrance, darting and out of her mouth when she parted her lips to moan. We kissed like lovers, trying to eat each other up, trying to get to that all important wet place from the top down, tongues dueling, teeth nibbling, hands grasping. She turned around so that she could wrap her arms around my neck and weave her fingers into my curls, pulling me closer. I ran my hands down her body to grasp at her ass, grinding it into my crotch.

When I broke the kiss, her eyes were still closed, her mouth open as she gasped for air. I leaned down and kissed, licked, and nibbled my way back along her jaw, down her neck, and across her collar bone. Her hands remained tangled in my hair, guiding me downwards. I resisted, to her confusion, and rose back up the other side of her neck and back to her mouth.

"Let's go into the other room" I whispered against her lips.

She nodded, not trusting her voice.

As soon as we walked into the darkened room, I slipped a blindfold onto her. She stopped suddenly, and reached to take it off.

"No" I grabbed her hands and guided them back down "Trust me." I reached behind me and flipped the dimmer switch, bringing up a soft light in the room, just enough to see by.

She frowned, but complied, letting me lead her to the bed. I turned her around and sat her on the end of it, then straddled her knees. Pushing my latex covered breasts against her face, I reached up to the shelf above the bed and grabbed a set of padded cuffs. When she reached up to touch me, I deftly slipped the cuffs on one wrist, then twisted both arms down to fasten the other one.

Again she frowned, but before she could do any more than pull against the cuffs I set my finger against her lips. "Trust me" I repeated.

Now that she couldn't touch or see me, I reached up and loosened my dress enough to let my breasts fall free. Cupping them in my hands, I traced her face with my nipples, never getting close enough to her mouth for her to suck on them, enjoying the feel of her soft skin on mine. When I finally let her latch onto a nipple, she sucked hard, too hard for a first time, but I decided to let it slide, knowing that she was just eager. Then she brought her teeth into play, nipping too hard and quick.

I grunted, and pulled back "Slower. Like this" I knelt down, pulled her shirt up, and released the front clasp on her bra, freeing her breasts. I took one hard little nipple into my mouth and flicked it with my tongue as I pinched the other, rolling it between my fingers. I set my teeth firmly into her nipple, increasing the pressure slowly but surely, until she groaned and pushed against me. I stayed there for a few seconds, feeling the pressure building, enjoying my control over it. When I gradually eased back and away from her, she sighed softly and leaned forward, trying to keep contact with me.

I slid up her body and offered her my breast again, closing my eyes in pleasure as she followed my lead exactly, a slow steady build up to that bright flash of pain. "Lovely" I murmured, grabbing handfuls of her hair and pulling her against me "Perfect. Such a good little girl." I let her spend as long as she wanted worshiping my breasts. I could feel that lovely need building, I could see by her face that she felt it too.

Finally I stood up and pushed her back along the bed, laying her down in the middle. I separated the cuffs, and attached them to chains set at the corners of the bed. I was surprised at how little she resisted this. I stopped to look at her again, and smiled to see that her black pants were getting wet between her legs. Backing up to the end of the bed, I attached another set of cuffs to hold her ankles to the bottom corners, then stood back to admire my work. She could feel that I was gone, and she her face turned in every direction, trying to find me by any sense possible.

"Something is just not right here" I mused out loud, startling her both with my voice and location.

Her head jerked sharply towards me as she cried out in surprise. "What? What are you talking about?"

I walked around the bed, surveying her from all angles, watching a flush raising from her chest to her face. "Ahhh. I know what it is" I finally said. Again her lip trembled as she heard me rummaging around on the shelf. When I found what I was looking for, I crawled up the bed to her head, snuggling my body close to hers.

"Do you know what I have?" I asked, laying the knife along the side of her face. She froze, shaking like a rabbit. "Do you know what I'm going to do with it?"

"N-N-Noooo" she stuttered.

"No, what?"

"N-Noo, Miss-mistress"

I smiled, running the back of the knife down across her neck and up into her hair. "I'm going to do a lot of things with it, little girl, but first things first." I slid the knife under the neck of her shirt, and slit it down the middle, then up each arm, cutting her shirt off of her. Three quick snips and her bra was gone, a few more cuts and her pants and panties followed. She writhed, trying to cover herself, but unable to.

"Shhhh" I said, laying the knife on her stomach, and again backing off to admire her. This time, it was perfect. Her nipples were tight pink nubs topping off flushed breasts. Her belly was slightly rounded, and the knife wobbled with every shaky breath. Her blonde pubic hair was closely trimmed, and glistening with her juices.

Unable to resist any longer, I crawled up onto the bed, straddling her. I kissed her again, hard and demanding, grabbing her breasts and pinching them until she was squirming, trying to get away from me. When I took my mouth off of hers, she cried out in pain. I squirmed backwards down her body so that I could lick her nipples, lick every inch of her breasts, kissing away the pain, then using my teeth to bring it back. She was writhing and moaning, caught between pleasure and pain, unable to escape. I kept her there for as long as I could stand to, feeling my own need building, but still under control.

I worked my way down her body, learning her ticklish spots, and biting them hard, enjoying her reaction to the pure pain. When I reached her hips, I skipped down to her inner thighs, and continued down to her knees. I could smell how aroused she was, and she was laying in a rather large wet spot on the bed. She was mumbling "please, please, please" over and over again, her own little mantra.

"Please what, little girl?"

"Please, please fuck me, please do something, I'm going to explode! Please Mistress, please." She begged so sweetly, I couldn't help but give in.

I slid up to her glistening wet pussy, and blew on it, making her jump and thrust towards me. I kissed her thigh, and worked my way up to her the edge of her cunt, then backed off. Again and again, carefully avoiding her clit. All the while, her pleading never stopped "Please Mistress, please, please".

When I gently slid one finger into her wetness, she cried out so loud I thought she was going to orgasm right then and there. I held as still as I possibly could as she thrashed around, and she finally quieted down, sobbing and begging for release. I sucked on her nice tight little cunt lips, licking up her juices and slowly finger fucking her until her begging changed from "please" to "more please". I moaned, and complied, sliding two, then three fingers in as she continued to ask for them.

To my surprise, she didn't have any trouble with four fingers, and was still begging for more. She had strong pussy muscles, and was almost sucking my fingers in. The thought of sliding my whole fist into her made me so hot I almost lost control then, and had to pull back for a moment to clear my head.

As she felt me leave, she raised her head up in alarm. "Mistress, please? Don't leave me. Please?"

I stroked her thigh to calm her down while I caught my breath, then asked her "Are you going to cum for me if I slid my whole fist into that hungry pussy of yours, little girl?"

Her breath quickened "Please Mistress, please, let me cum. Please, fist me, I want to cum for you, please, let me cum for you, Mistress".

"What will you do for me if I let you cum, little girl?" I slid my fingers up to her clit as we talked, slowly rubbing it back and forth.

"Oh, please, Mistress, anything, please, just let me cum".

"Anything?"

"Yes, anything, please, fist me, make me cum, please!" She was almost screaming now, so I slowly slid my right hand into her tight pussy, thumb tucked into my palm. I sucked her clit into my mouth, and cupped my hand into a fist as her cunt started spasming around my hand. True to her word, she came almost instantly, squeezing my hand so tight that I lost feeling, bucking and almost pushing me out. When I could feel that her orgasm was starting to wane, I slid my left index finger into her tight little asshole and wiggled it, trying to make her cum again.

"Oh my...don't stop, please don't stop. Please, oh Please! Oh...." her voice rose to a scream again.

I didn't, and she quickly came again, screaming and thrashing around so much I was afraid she would hurt herself on the restraints. When she finally lay still, gasping for breath, I sat up and gently pulled my hand from her cunt. She moaned, and writhed again at that movement, but quickly quieted down again. I backed off of the bed and un-cuffed her. I finally reached up and took the blindfold off, only to find her eyes closed. The two orgasms had been too much; she had fallen asleep.

I laughed softly, and covered her with a blanket I kept nearby for just such emergencies, then walked quietly from the room, turning off the light and closing the door as I left. Another successful night.

2005-02-16T01:38:00.000-06:00

This seems to be a time of remembrance for me. Forget the holiday (I certainly did), it seems to be my choice of music lately that is provoking deeper memories. A few days ago I heard "the" song. You know, "the song" you and your first love have...everyone has their song. For me it is "I Alone" by Live. 99% of the time I can hear it and not even think twice, but late at night, late last week, it came on my random selections, long after He was asleep, as I sat here in the thick, dark silence. I got that sublimely painful twinge deep in my stomach, and remembered him.
I remember the excruciating love in my belly as I met him crossing the parking lot, sophomore year of high school. I was walking from Barry to Congress halls between classes. All of his classes were in Congress, but he came out between 3rd and 4th block to meet me halfway and walk me back to class. I remember so vividly that one day. He was wearing a white shirt with thick green and blue stripes, he had that popular 90's cut, shaved up the sides but long on the top. I saw him when he was about three rows of cars away. His eyes were already on me, I could feel them, so intense, making my whole body quiver. I remember what we talked about that day, too, walking over to our last class. We talked about whether or not it was possible, through some insanely impossible twist of fate, for a fetus to become impregnated while still in the womb. There had been a girl in the news recently that gave birth at the age of nine or so, and it had provoked my ramblings. That was the main reason I loved him, and still do. He was the first man to not only listen to my silly ramblings, but to go with me, and take them even further, until we were both lost in the far far realm of "what if".
I remember the moment of impossible hope, and happiness, and disbelief as he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. We had already been best friends for a few years, and had dropped the L-word long ago, but things had always been in the way of us being together. Finally, on the 4th of July, at about 2am, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Our conversation didn't last much past my breathless "yes!"; I was far too shocked to be coherent. I remember waking my guardian up to tell her the whole tale, sitting on the floor outside her room, legs hugged to my body, rocking back and forth, lost in happiness.
I remember our first and only date. The 4th of July, that same day, we went to see the new Will Smith movie, and to watch fireworks with our friends. Wasn't very much a date, but it was enough for me. I remember my guardian's step-daughter riding with us and hitting on him, and us laughing about it behind her back (she still flirts with Him when she thinks I'm not looking, and we laugh about it too...times don't really change that much, do they?).
I remember my heart breaking when, a few days later, he broke up with me, claiming we were better friends that boyfriend/girlfriend. How could that be? How could it be that he didn't feel the same way I didn't?
I remember working our first summer job together, at the local theme park. I remember him looking so manly in his pink work shirt (don't let me get started on those GAWD-AWFUL shirts!!!). I was certainly not the cutest girl in the park, but I was definitely one of the most envied and copied. It was always quite amusing to both of us when the other girls would try to braid their hair like mine, or other such things to get his attention. I remember one horrendous afternoon, when we were going to be late, he speed past two cops on his way to pick me up. I heard them coming about 1/2 mile away, squealing tires and such (we were both in plenty of trouble for being late the previous week, and our jobs were now on the line if we were late again). The officers finally caught him in my driveway, and I ended up talking them out of giving him a ticket. Well, actually, I told them to make it fast, and chewed them all out before stomping in to call and frantically beg forgiveness from our boss. I guess after I left the cops looked at him, shook their heads, called me "spunky" and left, no ticked or warning to be found. The told him having me for a girlfriend was punishment enough. That caused no end of amusement to us, especially as we were nothing more than friends by then.
A few years later he went into the marines. I was at his going away party with his current g/f, smiling at his mom as she recognized me, and gave me a quick hug. We hadn't been in close contact, but still had that strong tie. He had tried to leave without telling me, but at the last minute (he called me the day of the party) couldn't. Over the years, that proved to be the main theme of our relationship. After two failed engagements, we got back together, dating long-distance for over three years, even becoming engaged. I finally had to face the fact that he was more into the idea of being married that being married to me, and broke it off. I dated other men, and as when he had been dating other women, we discussed the relationships intimately, even questioning occasionally our decision not to be with each other, but never having the guts to follow through with those thoughts.
The last time he was home, I had a boyfriend, something he loudly proclaimed in front of his family to keep them off of our backs when we spent the whole week together. The boy didn't mean anything more than easy sex to me, though, so I didn't hesitate to attempt to trip my friend into bed. (Don't worry, the feeling on the b/f thing was mutual, and it broke off soon due to lack of any deeper feelings...the sex went on for some time, though *winks*) I reached the same point I had a few times before. A 30 second blow job. How sexy and deeply romantic, eh? 2 nights later I did get him laid, by a mutual friend, whom he later became engaged too (another very short engagement), before falling off the face of the earth again.
I sent him an angry email about a year ago, because I had realized how far out of my life he was. He fired back that he was married now. I spent about 10 minutes reading and re-reading that email. I could never have believed the feelings that coursed through me. Hurt, anger, betrayal, sadness. We had always said that we knew we were soulmates, but soulmates don't have to be together romantically, something I still believe. But, I had never even considered that one of his hasty engagements would actually come to an actual legal marriage. I always assumed, in my heart of hearts, that we would someday be together. I knew these feelings were completely irrational, as I was blissfully happy with Him at the time, but I was very startled by their existence. I decided that the best course of action was to forget everything.
Until a few nights ago, when "I Alone" came on, and I sat here crying, missing him so much, wondering if he was even still alive. He is still in the Marines, posted overseas, and I know that his Mom has my number and such to inform me if anything happens to him, but still, you always wonder. So, I emailed him.
He is alive, still married, and being sent to Iraq later this month. As usual, we always come into contact just as something big happens. He's going to be in the States for a few weeks before he goes on to the Middle East, so hopefully I'll get to hear his voice. I still am amazed at the feelings writing this has brought to the surface. I hardly know what to do. I should probably stop typing before I start rambling even more, though, eh?

2005-02-12T01:33:00.000-06:00

I leave my eyes resolutely on the screen as he enters the room, trying vainly to ignore my peripheral vision. He comes up behind me and rubs my neck for a moment, then grabs my shoulders and turns me around. His cock is right at eye level, so close my eyes can't focus on it for a moment. I give the head a quick kiss and turn back to the screen, pretending disinterest.
That doesn't last, of course. He simply turns me around again and steps over my legs, locking my knees in between his. Again, my field of vision is filled with his cock. I raise my eyebrow, and stick my tongue out, looking up at him cheekily. He grunts, and slaps me across the face a few times with his dick before letting me take it into my mouth. I keep my eyes on his face as I slowly lean forward until my lips are less than an inch away from his balls. He smiles down at me and mumbles "You've been practicing".
I hum a bit in agreement, then slowly suck my way back up to the head, working my tongue against the underside up to the slit, then dip the tip of my tongue inside of him for a quick taste. I spend a few moments nibbling on the ridge beneath the head before he roughly takes my head and pushes me down, hard. I take the hint, and wrap my hand around the base of his cock right below my lips, and start moving up and down, slow, with a loose hand at first, then faster, tightening my grip.
His soft moan encourages me, and I reach up with my other hand to fondle his balls, enjoying the way his sac tightens at my touch. Soon his hips are thrusting against my face, leaving me to only sit and enjoy, waiting for that moment I know is fast approaching. When he hisses and stops moving, I quickly take up the movement again, squeezing tight and sucking hard. His hand replaces mine, and he stumbles, knocking me back against the desk, slipping out of my mouth and cumming all over my face, my hair, my shirt, everywhere.
He giggles after a second, pointing to a spot about 4 feet up on the wall, where he had shot over my head. I laughed too, then quickly set to work cleaning him up, milking the last drops out of his hypersensitive cock before he pushed me away.
Buttoning his pants, he kisses me on the top of the head and openes the front door again. "Be back" was all I heard as away he goes, again.

2005-02-11T01:26:00.000-06:00

As I sit at my computer, wiling away yet another sunny afternoon in pursuit of an ever higher score, I hear footsteps outside my front door. Before I even have time to register the noise, the door opens. He pushes his way in and slams the door behind him, locking out the frigid winter air.
He sweeps over to give me a quick hello kiss before taking off his coat and dumping the mail. I watch him silently as he paces around the house, lost in his own to-do list. Eventually, he notices my silence and comes over to see me, and what I am looking at.
"What did you find for me?" he asks.
I sit back, smiling, as he glances over my afternoons findings, then goes back for a slower second look. "Nice" is all he says.
I shrug and go back to my game, knowing that I will have to be content with this for now, that I will have to play this game out his way, as always.

2005-01-26T13:41:00.000-06:00

It is very disconcerting to look at a man passing you in the hallway and remember that his penis curves to the left.
It is also very disconcerting to watch that man talking to someone you rather dislike and know that he has seen your eyes roll back into your head as he made you orgasm.
I wonder if he thinks of that when he sees me.
I wonder if he remembers how tight my pussy clenched in surprise, shock, enjoyment, when he hit me across the face while fucking me.
I wonder if he would have ever looked at quiet, shy little me if his girlfriend hadn't picked me.
I wonder if he remembers forcing me so far down on him that I gagged and threw up.
I wonder if he remembers.
I know he remembers me. I was walking around the library one day when I noticed him staring at me. I ignored him as long as I could, but when I went to leave, he stopped me. As soon as he asked if he knew me from somewhere I recognized him. I blushed and stammered. His girlfriend and I had continued our friendship after we stopped sleeping together, but I had never kept contact with him. Why would I? After a few minutes of hemming and hawing, I finally told him why I looked familiar. The light went on.
We spent the next hour or so catching up. Past the first moment of recognition, our previous sexcapades were not mentioned. To my surprise, I found him quite likeable, though not someone I would have picked to be intimate with on my own. We ran into each other occasionally after that, never speaking as past sexual partners, more as two people with mutual friends. We speak as acquaintances who drift in and out of contact.
I wonder if he ever thinks about doing it again. Not that He would want to, or let me, but does it cross his mind? His ex-girlfriend and I had talked about it, often. Does he?
I wonder what the afore mentioned disliked man would think if he knew? Would he be revolted at the perverted things we did? Would he pump us for stories? Would he try never to let that mental image cross his mind again? Would it creep in to distract him while he should be paying attention to other things? Would he laugh at me? Would he leer?
I wonder if he knows how much that first time is like a drug to me, how much it has affected my fantasies, how much that dark side of me longs to throw myself at his feet and beg for more, how glad I am that I have Him to stop me from giving in to my urges.
I wonder how many woman have let him do everything he craves to them. I know one didn't. That was where I came in. I wonder if I would have even given him a second look if she hadn't asked me to.

2005-01-13T11:10:00.000-06:00

I was reading through A New York Escorts Confessions and saw one woman's story about getting her hood pierced. Since my experience was extremely different, I thought I'd share.
I learned very young to always go to the same piercer. Two times I ventured to a different shop, and both times was burned; a tongue piercing that ended with a hospital visit, and a crooked nipple ring that still bleeds and aches 5 years later (yes, I know I should let it heal and get it repierced, I just don't have the guts). So, when I decided to venture south of the border, there was no question, I was going to my usual piercer. The time was much less set. I had a "friend with benefits" at the time, but had no urge to bring him with me, and definitely didn't want to go by myself, so I ended up going with two female friends.
When we got there, the piercer had only one person in line, so thankfully I didn't have long to wait. We all looked at tattoos and belly rings while waiting, trying to take my mind off of the nerves. I had heard horror stories (such as the one above) about how much it hurt, but my nipples had been relatively painless, so my mind was bounding around between passing out and gushing blood to a minor ouch.
When the piercer called me back, he allowed me to bring one person, but I declined. These were my long time friends, and none of us had any urge to stare at my currently hairless crotch. So, I braved the room alone. While he set up, I shimmied my thong off and into a handy pocket, and hopped up on the table. He knew me well enough to skip the care lecture, just hit on the points relevant to this piercing. The next thing I knew, I was flat on my back, legs spread, his face about a foot from my crotch. We chatted about his daughter, my friends, my other piercings, he offered for about the 6th time to fix my crooked nipple, and then he looked up at me.
"Is this for pleasure, or just to look pretty" he asked, quite seriously.
I blushed crimson, and had to restrain my urge to slam my thighs shut. "Just to look pretty" I mumbled, looking anywhere but at him.
He nodded somberly, and disappeared underneath my skirt again. For the first time, I felt his cold latex covered hands, poking and prodding around my clit, as he explained that a vertical piercing would be best for me. I agreed, and tried to think of other things.
Then, suddenly, he started whistling. Being only about 6 inches away from my clit, the whistling blew air all over me, tickling like crazy. He stopped very abruptly 10 seconds later when I let out a quick giggle. It suddenly dawned on me that he was rather uncomfortable too. Not doing the piercing, we had talked over the years about many such piercings, and my worse things, but I think I made him nervous, just because he knew me a bit better. But, nerves or not, we were set to go. I could feel the cold steel of the receiving tube on my clit, and as usual, it made me more nervous than anything.
I started the required 3 deep breaths, and was on the exhale of two when there was a sudden pain, and a twinge raced down both my legs. I blinked, confused. Where was the intense orgasm or intense pain or intense anything? Hell, my ears had hurt worse than that! There was a slight tugging as he threaded the ring in and closed it, but again, very mild. I sat up slightly, to look at the piercer.
"All done" He smiled up at me and handed me a sheet of paper with his name, number, and aftercare instructions.
In a daze, I pulled out the cash to pay and tip him, then wandered outside. There was a dull ache between my legs, but nothing like what I expected. By the time I reached the car, I was walking normally, the only discomfort present being the rather airy feeling that comes with a skirt and lack of underwear.
Over the next 10 days, I woke up early to sit on the side of the tub with my handheld shower head pointed at my piercing, and took extra-long showers every night, washing it carefully with Dial. That was about the only pain I felt with this piercing, that lovely sharp feeling of soap in an open wound, the pain that you miss so much after a piercing heals.
All in all, I tell everyone that this was the least painful and quickest healing piercing that I have, and I highly suggest it. Don't expect orgasms with every step, though.

2005-01-13T10:33:00.000-06:00

Never microwave good fettecuine alfredo. No matter how good it tasted the night before (and it was ooooooo so orgasmicly good) the second it hits the microwave, it turns into this oily mess. Can someone please tell me why? It's not like this is the first time, anyone with a brain would have learned over the years to stop saving leftovers from italian restaurants, but no, not me. So, here I sit, rumbling grumbling belly dejectedly regarding a blue bowl filled with noodles surrounded by a sea of yellow oil.
So, I decided to put off eating for a few minutes to post a bit in here. I have been looking around today, and have found some interesting blogs, very inspiring, but I just haven't been able to pull off writing erotica while at work. For one thing, the men that come through my office are definitely not inspiring, and will ruin any mood I manage to drum up, and for two things, getting caught just doesn't do it for me, to His dismay. So, I will have to be content with a simple ponder, rather than a porn.
Speaking of inspiration, I have added a link to Stile on the left side. If you scroll down, there are a few videos of a man fisting himself, as well as one of another man taking a girls arm past the elbow up his ass. Very interesting. Quite frankly, though I had read about such occurrences, I had not believed that it was physically possible until yesterday. After watching the latter video, and measuring my arm against His body, I realized that acting out the video would put my fist approximately in his stomach. He says everything stretches and pushes out of the way (and how would he know? I can't even get a finger up his ass!) but I'm skeptical. If anyone would like to explain exactly how the afore mentioned phenomenon is achieved, please, do so!

2005-01-03T01:55:00.000-06:00

As he slept soundly the next room, I dug out my newest discovery. As we were moving furniture this weekend, I found an old porn stash, including a book of porn. Nothing in the world gets me off like the written word. If you've ever seen the movie Threesome, I'm the girl squirming on the library table while a innocent young man reads big words out of the dictionary. So, needless to say, this was a wonderful find.
Tonight, I started re-reading it, for mental pleasure only, I've never been able to orgasm without aid, either a second person, or a battery operated toy. For some reason, my own hands just don't cut it for me. Even the addition of a piercing through my hood hadn't helped. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Just informing. So, I started tonight with no goal in mind, just some pre-slumber amusement.
I read my way through boy on girl, girl on girl, toy on girl, girl on self, paint on girl, ice on girl, so many short stories I can't even keep them straight, all the while, playing with my new Christmas present, a short banana barbell for my hood. Much different than the previous capitive bead ring, a much harsher sensation, very very nice. Soon, though, the stories became too tame. This was a book "borrowed" years ago from a very vanilla friend, and didn't cut it for my rather un-vanilla mood. So, on to the web, where a quick search of my favorite site brought up a very satisfactory story about a personal favorite of mine, lesbian fisting. I love fisting, love the feeling of fullness, but I'm very small boned, and he is very large boned. Makes for rather painful fisting. Very very orgasmic, but very very painful afterward. I have yet to fufill my fantasy of being fisted by a woman. Someday, I hope. No, scratch that. Someday, I know. All good things come to those who wait, and I'm very patient.
As I read, I continued to rub at my clit, occasionally dropping down to play with the ever increasing amount of juices flowing from my cunt. After just one page, I was quite amazed at the feeling slowly rising in me, that wonderful pre-orgasm wave that was slowly starting in my depths. My first instinct was to sneak into the dark bedroom and try to retrieve a toy to help, but a moment later, a little stubborn voice inside me piped up, telling me to see how far I could go. I had never made it this far before, why not keep going? So, I did.
I pinched my clit, rubbing that hard little metal ball back and forth under the hood, then backed off for more juice. I rubbed hard, like I had seen porn stars do, but have never had success with myself. Today, success. The wave kept increasing, then, with startling suddenness, broke over me.
Short.
That is my biggest memory of my first non-assisted orgasm. Intense, almost as triumphant as my first fisting, but much more pleasant afterwards. Wet, very wet, I never imagined getting this wet with nothing my me. Amazing, simply amazing. Is this what all my friends did, while I franticly searched for larger and more interesting things to shove into my hungry cunt? Is this what they enjoyed while I wore out batteries by myself and with boyfriends?
Wow. Have I been missing it.

2004-12-02T16:59:00.000-06:00

I heard something interesting on the radio today, and it made me think. I agree that everyone should have the right to live the way that they choose, but when do we draw the line? Since when are words sooooo important to everyone? I mean, really! Fighting so that your child won't have to say "under God" in school. They are words people, get over it. I can say the words I'm a Nazi, I'm a pedophile, I'm a platypus, for God's sake, it doesn't mean that it is true!!! It is the meaning behind the words. I don't mean that I'm a Nazi, pedophile, or a platypus, anymore than an atheist saying the pledge of allegiance means that they believe in God when they say "under God". Get over it!!! So, what started this rant would be hearing someone on NPR talking about why we should take the "Christ" out of Christmas and make it....these were his suggestions, mind you..."Retail Day", "The 9th Holiday", or "Solstice." Really, now...do you see any God fearing Christian celebrating such a PAGAN holiday as Solstice?!?! And these are supposed to be Smart People!!! And for Christ's sake, yes, I agree, Christ made more of a big deal out of his resurrection than his birth, and I suppose there isn't enough Christ in Easter (whoever heard of putting up a Crucifixion scene on Easter, like a Nativity scene on Christmas?) But really, now...the poor man has been dead for 2000 years...give him some peace! And yes, I'm sure he wouldn't agree with the all the gift giving and hypocrisy that generally celebrates Christmas, but again, doesn't that go back to the whole live the way you choose? If you don't want to take part in all the Christmas festivities, don't!!! Just don't judge me because I do, and sure the hell don't expect me to take down my Christmas lights just because you believe that they are immoral.

2004-11-24T22:25:00.000-06:00

Well, here it is again. Thanksgiving anyone? The holidays are my favorite time of the year, probably because of my unexplainable obsession with Christmas lights. Some part of me that is coiled up like a spring all year long just unwinds when I see a beautiful Christmas tree filled with lights. Forget the presents, the food, the parties...just give me a few thousand tiny light bulbs and you'll have a happy woman on your hands.

It was also about this time of year that I lost my virginity, years ago. I haven't thought about that in a long time. It wasn't a wonderful romantic gentle first time, rather, I just wanted to get it out of the way so that I wouldn't have to be a virgin anymore. I couldn't be bothered to actually date someone long enough to get to that point, either, so I had to turn to other means.

Late one weekend night, when I had the house to myself (don't worry, I wasn't that old...my guardian was out of town), I had over my best friend and her boyfriend. When his best friend found out what was going on, he decided to tag along, and bring some mexican piss (corona beer). My friend and I had never really drunk before, so we mixed the beer with cream soda (surprisingly good, actually, for mexican piss) and got busy. Guys being guys, a game of strip poker ensued. Let me nip your train of thought in the bud, though. My friend and I have known each other since we were 4...she is the absolute last person in the world I would sleep with...that would be even worse than incest. YUCK!!

Anyway, since both of us feel that way, the game didn't proceed very far before we split into two couples. She and her boyfriend ended up in my upstairs bedroom, in my bed (yuck again), while I attempted to work on homework. During these games, the friend had gotten massively drunk, and passed out on the couch. Great evening...can't even sleep in my own bed.

I suppose I should tell you a bit about the friend. First off...he was married. Second off....he was older. Third off...he was married. The married thing is the part of this whole story that bugs me a lot. I don't believe in frivolous marriage as so many people do today, but I do believe in keeping your vows if you do take them. So, the next part is not exactly something I'm proud of...but it happened.

I ended up wrapped up in a blanket on the floor in front of the fireplace, trying to ignore the snoring log on my couch, and the giggles coming from my bedroom. After a few minutes of darkness and silence, I heard the couch move, and suddenly, the friend was on the floor beside, me, arm wrapped around me, whispering drunken naughty thoughts in my ear. I froze, panicked, freaked out. I wasn't a touchy-feely person, so I had always been very susceptible to being touched, especially by men. So, as much as my mind was screaming stop stop stop, my body just couldn't do it. Soon he was kissing me, those demanding, masculine kisses that just take your breath away. He rolled me over and held me down as he struggled to get my pants off, then his. I still couldn't stop him, couldn't even fight him, just lay there in shock. My mind wandered, until I remembered something. I was on my period; I had a tampon in. That thought actually gave me enough gumption to move, fight back, but by that time it was too late.

I lost my virginity with my head being pounded against the cold hearth, tampon wedged at a very uncomfortable angle, and my best friend making out in my bed. If only I had not been the nice friend, if only I had made them sleep on the floor so I could have my bed. If only, If only, If only.

But, as I said...it did get that pesky virginity thing out of the way. I never really heard from him again, not that I wanted to. If I had my way, it wouldn't have happened, a feeling that always leaves you feeling slightly dirty for a long while. I felt even worse when I did hear something about him...he was getting divorced. According to his my best friends boyfriend, after he cheated with me and realized how easy it was, he just went off the deep end, sleeping around, eventually leaving his wife and 1 year old son for a dancer fresh from high school.

I suppose I'm still wishy-washy on the whole ordeal. I don't think about it much, and when I do, I always feel sad. I can't imagine loosing my virginity any other way, it just wasn't in my personality, but I wish maybe it had been with someone else, (someone not married, perhaps?). I do firmly believe in not changing a thing of your past, though. I'm quite happy with the person I am today (mood swings, panic attacks and all) and the life I have for myself. I think if I changed even one little thing, it would radically affect today's reality. So, like it or not, that night is a part of me. Just like my fascination with Christmas lights.

Happy Thanksgiving

2004-11-14T21:41:00.000-06:00

Sex is such a relief. I was in bed all day yesterday with a migraine, waking up only to let him use my body to get off. Love that feeling, wake up to sex, doze off covered in cum. mmmm...fufilling. Today, we switched places. We got a new porn, and plopped down in a next of blankets and pillows in front of the TV, me leaning against the couch, him at my feet, head resting between my legs. Easy way for him to make sure I wasn't touching myself. Gr. Mean man. Every time he talked or moved, though, it was rubbing against my clit, so it worked. hehehe, good me.
We got to use my newest toy, too, a nice little bullet to replace the one I killed a few months ago. I really need to go easier on my toys. By the time he got it out, I was all wet and shaky, so it only took him a few seconds to get me right up to the edge of orgasm, then he stopped, started fingerfucking me real slow, letting me come back down. We only get the time to play like this once in a blue moon, so it was a complete surprise to me.
I spent the next eternity ( more like 5 minutes) begging and begging to cum. I'm glad we only get to do this occasionally, I don't know if I could stand it much more. I ended up cumming hard and long around his dick in my ass. GAWD that hurts, but lord, with that happy little bullet, I could have cared less! Thankfully, we moved around a little, and he forgot my ass for a second...at least until I was on my knees in front of him, both of us watching Aurora Snow get rammed up the ass (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yummy), that obviously inspired him, because next thing I know, he's got my hair wrapped around his fist, and is tearing up my ass. I was screaming bloody murder, which I'm sure helped, because it only lasted about 30 second. Thank god for sadist men.

2004-11-11T02:57:00.000-06:00

okay, this is a quick and inebriated post, so please forgive any errors. it is approximately 3am. I have just gotten home after a wonderful night out dancing with my dancer girl and a few other friends. I haven't this much fun in a long time. I haven't had this much trouble typing in a long time either.
Anyhoo, long story short, she called me and told me to meet her and a few other people in 20 minutes (impossible, being as she was 45 minutes away from me) but, I tried my best. After meeting up, we all left our cars there, and she drove us to her house, where we finished getting ready. After a few clothing swaps, we headed off to the club. Soon we were all in, though I was the only one drinking. Okay, Okay, I know it wasn't the best idea, but the last time I drank with friends was over a year ago. Give me a break.
So, as I quickly got drunk, we ran into the friends we were supposed to meet there. Three girls, who all acted a little less than straight. GAWD I love gay girls. I ended up flirting with a BBW and dancing with her...all soft and cuddly. My other friend finally introduced us to her g/f, a short girl with a stocking cap on. A little dykey for my tastes, but she had the absolutely most gorgeous smile I've ever seen. I spent the whole night trying to make her smile. gawd, it was worth it too. By the time we left, one of our younger friends had a crush on her. Can't blame her, I think I do too. :) But, I made a deal with my other friend...I could flirt with her g/f all I wanted, as long as I didn't try to take her home. I quickly took her up on that offer. As you can see, I came home alone :)
As for my dancer girl, gained some interesting info. She doesn't consider herself bi, but she has had a threesome with her b/f and another girl, and isn't adverse to doing it again....and....she and her boyfriend don't get to see each other a lot....mmmmmm....Trust me...I would never ever ever interfere with a relationship, but if it falls apart by itself, I'll be there to hold her hand. :) And other parts. At least she wasn't in the least bit scared or offended by me admitting that I like girls.
Anyway...sorry if this all didn't make a whole lot of sense...I'll try to post something a little more sane tomorrow or later when I'm a little more sober.

2004-11-08T19:37:00.000-06:00

Well, the new job is going well, as well as any job; you get your assholes and your sweethearts. I have discovered that I will definitely miss the sweethearts at my old job, though.

Got to see my dancer girl today, and she asked for my number *winks* It's not quite as naughty as it sounds. The Wednesday night out got pushed back a week, and since I won't see her again before then, she got my number to fill me in when the time comes. Exciting. I really can't wait...no better time to hit on a girl than when she's slightly inebriated. ooo, I'm so bad...I hate it when guys have that opinion...but they have it easier...they have a great chance that the girl is at least interested in their sex...I have a much less better chance that my dancer girl is bi...most likely just playful. But, thanks to the new job, not only can I go, but I'll have time at home to get dressed and look extra nice. I'm really going to have to put some thought into what I wear. The bad part is I've never been there before...good part is I'm going in a group with a regular. So, no matter what happens, I'm determined to have FUN!!! Hopefully I'll be back on Thursday with some interesting stories.

2004-11-04T23:01:00.000-06:00

The only thing that kept me awake tonight during my last 45 minute late night commute was little blurbs of fantasies....nothing past kissing (wouldn't want to drive off the road *winks*) but potent just the same. Imagining soft skin, soft kisses, soft hair...mmm. I need a girl...and fast.
Unfortunately, it won't be happening anytime soon. Not this weekend, at least. I'm spending most of it out of town, teaching younger girls. A few older ones from another group I teach will be there helping, which will be fun, but odd. It's hard to teach people close to your own age, hard to know exactly where the uncrossable line is. A few times I've been slightly startled to realize that some of my girls are hitting on me. I never really think of them as students, more as friends, so I didn't think anything of it when I showed a few my new tattoo, but later, as we got back to teaching, I started to realize that maybe that hadn't been the smartest thing to do. I think this year I'm going to have to be more careful, more of a teacher and less of a...well...girl.
Sunday is out for girl hunting too...spending it shopping for new work clothes with my aunt. I'm very excited about this new job, especially since it's part time, but it is a little more dressy than my current job, so a blitzkrieg of the local clothes stores is definitely in order. Fun Fun.
Anyway, I suppose I shall have to force myself to crawl into bed and kiss a big hairy muscley guy instead of a soft smooth yummy girl. Awww...poor me, eh?

2004-11-04T17:53:00.000-06:00

Life is a roller-coaster. Yesterday I was having panic attacks at the prospect of being jobless and moneyless, today I'm on the top of the world. A job I had completely written off called me this morning to ask me to start on Monday. WOW.
This still leaves me moneyless of course, but at least I have prospects in the future! It is amazing how much of your life revolves around money. Money and sex, that is.
Sorry I haven't been posting all the time recently, haven't really had time to sit down and devote my full mind to this site, but hopefully that will change after tomorrow. So, if you have any requests or ideas, leave me a note, and I'll work on it!

2004-10-27T19:16:00.000-05:00

We lay on the floor in the middle of a nest of pillows and blankets in front of the TV, playing Playstation 2 games. It's very interesting how many different ways you can find to flirt with someone using only an electronic car. Eventually, through wins and losses, we ended up draped over each other, a tangle of arms and legs. I tried not to get too distracted by it, but it was so hard to press buttons on a little controller when all you can think about is how warm her hip is where it presses against your side, how soft her hair is where it falls across your shoulder, how smooth her skin is where it touches yours. Suddenly, she hit pause, and looked up at me. I looked down, surprised, just in time to catch her lips on mine.
I froze, a tangle of feelings and thoughts. I had waited so long for this moment, agonized over exactly how it would happen, and now that it was happening, my mind was blank. My lips moved on auto pilot until she brought her hand up to thread her fingers through my hair. I moaned softly and sank down into the pillows as her tongue flicked over my bottom lip, demanding entrance. I couldn't deny her, especially not when she grabbed my lip in her teeth and nibbled softly. I brought my hands up her arms and up over her shoulders, pulling her closer. She slowly crawled on top of me, her perfect breasts pressed against mine, long legs straddling me. I held her head, and slowly kissed down her soft neck, pausing to nip softly at her collar bone, then up again to capture her earlobe between my teeth.
Suddenly she giggled, and pulled away gently. I froze again, assuming I'd done something wrong, flaming red with embarrassment. "No, no," she whispered "I don't want to stop, I was just remembering how long it took me to build up the nerve to do this...I never thought you would..." She trailed off uncertainly.
I looked at her in surprise. "What? I can't believe that." I kissed her firmly, then rolled us both over, pushing her into the softness of the pillows as I slowly stroked her breasts through her shirt, kissing her neck all the while. She pushed against my hands and murmured "please, please" over and over again. I smiled at her before I slowly raised her shirt up to reveal her beautiful A-cups, tipped with small dark pink nipples. Her chest was flushed with excitement, or embarrassment, but it just made the moment more wonderful.
"Don't look at me like that." She said, suddenly. I jumped, confused.
"What do you mean?"
"Like I'm so perfect. I know they're too small."
I laughed, I couldn't help it. Leaning forward to take one hard nipple between my lips, I flicked my tongue over it while I cupped her other breast in my hand. "You can't really believe that, can you?"
Her hand crept up my arm, to the back of my neck, holding my head to her chest. I smiled and rolled her nipple between my fingers while I continued softly flicking the other with my tongue.
"I want to see yours" I looked up at her, surprised, but happy. I sat up to take off my shirt and bra, feeling a flush of excitement at the look of lust on her face. I never thought I would see her look at me like that. Wonderful. She pushed me back a bit so that she could sit up and cup my breasts. Touching the steel barbells through my nipples, she asked "Did that feel good?"
I laughed again, and pushed her back to kiss her deeply, pinching her nipples a bit now, reveling in the feel of her body pushing against mine, begging for more. "Yes," I growled softly "It felt very good"
I slowly got rougher with her breasts, using my teeth, lips, tongue and hands until she was moaning loudly and bucking wildly beneath me. Then, in a rush, her begging and writhing changed, she started pushing her pelvis against me. I eagerly took advantage of this, kissing down her flat belly to her waist, then slowly pulling down her pants. She helped, then laid back, legs tightly clamped close, shyness momentarily overcoming lust.
I stroked her legs, softly, kissing her belly and hips and thighs, all over, avoiding the area she was obviously shy about. After a minute or so, she slowly relaxed again, bringing her hand up to cup my face, and guide it to the closely trimmed area between her legs. I resisted, leaning down to kiss between her thighs, down to her knees, then back up and down the other leg. Soon she was begging just as strenuously as before, finally tangling her fingers in my hair to guide me where she wanted me.
As I stared at her, all soft and wet and hot in front of me, I blew softly, enjoying the little buck of pleasure. I kissed her softly, all over, flicking my tongue out occasionally to taste her sweetness, always avoiding her clit, dipping my tongue just inside her pussy to make her squirm even more. I had to lean back a second later when I realized she was so wet she was dripping down over her asshole. I never knew a girl could get that wet. I ran my finger up that trail of moisture to its source, slowly sliding one finger inside her, wiggling it around a bit until I found the spot that made her push against me the hardest. Once I had memorized how it felt, I sucked her clit into my mouth. She cried out at the suddenness, bucking hard against me. I kept ahold of her, sliding another finger in between wild clenches of her muscles, moving them slowly, trying to keep a steady tempo between my tongue and fingers.
Then, everything fell into place, her hips matched the smooth thrusts of my hand. I sped up, a little bit at a time, feeling her whole body getting tighter and listening to her moaning and begging change into a louder, less coherent train of "oh my god"s and "oh please"s.
"Oh god, Don't stop, I'm gonna cum!" she screamed. I used my free hand to pull her closer to me, and slid in a third finger, keeping my rhythm as she suddenly stiffened, her whole body becoming hard and tight. I heard her keening, like a scream off in the distance, then as her orgasm broke over, she gave up and screamed out loud. I kept licking her clit and slowly fingerfucking her until she spasmed away from me and rolled over, begging "no more, no more".
I couldn't keep the satisfied grin off my face and I climbed up to lay beside her. When she rolled over again to cuddle against me, it just made my smile even bigger. Not often a girl gets to live her fantasy.

2004-10-27T16:39:00.000-05:00

As I sat outside the classroom, only minutes before class began, I spotted her. I sat there, mesmerized in the middle of putting on lip gloss, finger to my lips. She looked at me, giggled, and stuck her finger beside her nose, miming picking it and flinging it at me. I couldn't help laughing. Silly girl.
Soon, their class let out, and we all trooped in to stretch while the teacher took her break. I sat down, and in minutes my dancer had joined a small group of people that were near me. Talk turned to boyfriends, and how old was too old, then to cowboys. I found out that her boyfriend is a rodeo rider. Fun! We spent the next few minutes talking about cowboys we had dated, and how much of our "cowgirl" clothes we still had. We had both grown up around the country line dance scene, and still backslid ocassionally. Hm...I couldn't help but imagine her in those nice tight wranglers...mmmmmmmmm
Later, as we were attempting to pay attention, she and a friend of ours were talking about going out next week to a bar. Suddenly she turned to me (I didn't say anything, I swear) and said "Hey, you should come! You can ride with me!". I agreed, of course, instantly, never stopping to ask when, or where, or how much. Would you? I learned later it was to be a wednesday night out. Thank god for quitting this job...they've been screwing me around so much, that it only took a minutes worth of sweet talking before my boss agreed to let me come in late on Thursday. SCORE!
Finally, class got out and we all stood around, struggling to get dressed before the next class took over. When I was ready, I yelled bye to everyone, and she yelled back "Wait, I'll walk with you!" She didn't ask where I was going...just I'll walk with you. MELT!!! So, I walked almost all the way to her car (of course, I was parked about as far away from her car as it is possible to be...but would you mention that? I didn't think so).
So, long story short, I'm going out with her and another girl in our class...one who is facinated by my boobs and just loves being loud....should be a GREAT time, I can't wait!
Needless to say, the job situtation isn't any better, worse, actually, but I can't find it in my heart to get upset right now...I'm too busy surveying my realm from up here on cloud 10. Oh, and yes, the man knows...he thinks it's cute.

2004-10-26T19:48:00.000-05:00

So close, yet so far away. My company hired my replacement. She started on Monday, so I started showing her the ropes. Later on, my boss came in and told me that I "can't train her, it's against company policy to let you train your replacement." What kind of bull is that? How is she supposed to know what to do if I don't tell her? Magic?
Anyway, he hemmed and hawed when I asked about my last day, so I didn't push it. Today, however, was a different story. First of all...I walk in the morning, and my desk is a mess. She stayed later than I did last night (I left early) and in the time that I was gone, she managed to completely re-arrange my desk. Mine! It isn't hers until I leave, god bless it! GR! So, I spent 10 minutes fixing it. Got it done just in time for her to walk in. And wow, does she walk in. She's an older lady, a mother of 7 (!) and wow, does that lady not understand the meaning of SHUT UP!!! She talks so incessantly that I never have a chance to train her; I can't get a word in edgewise! THEN she has the nerve to bitch that I'm not training her enough. HELLO! I'm not even supposed to be "training" you, you're supposed to sit your happy ass down, shut your happy ass up, and WATCH!!!
Today, again, when I came back from lunch, she had not done one thing I asked her to do, and had completely re-arranged my desk again. TOO MUCH!!! For the first time since I started at this company, I was pushy with my boss. My job has always been VERY laid back, no tempers, no pushiness, no hurry, nothing. Now, this BLEEP comes in and tries to boss me around at my own job! SCREW THAT!
Oh, yes, I found out how she's supposed to learn my job. After I'm gone, a man from our corporate office is going to come in and train her. Hm. Let's see. When I started, my predecessor trained me, this man came down, said "Yeah, good enough." and flew back. He calls me on a regular basis to ask ME what exactly I'm doing, which is always funny because usually it's not even me doing it....and this moron is supposed to be training the imbecile they found to replace me? HA! Oh well...as everyone keeps pointing out to me...it's not my problem after I'm gone....BURN, BABY!!! BURN!!!
Okay...sorry about this...just had to vent somewhere.
On the brighter side, I will be out soon. I don't have a new job yet (haven't been looking too awful hard, bad me!) but I do have a few prospects to investigate tomorrow. Well...maybe. :)

2004-10-21T20:00:00.000-05:00

In my never ending quest to find out exactly how much pain I can tolerate, this seemed to be the best next step. It isn't finished, and I will post a pic of the finished product as soon as it is.

2004-10-21T16:32:00.000-05:00

I was early to dance class today, so I sat outside the door with a few other girls that were also early, and watched the previous class. Of course, my dancer girl was in it, and even better, was standing right by the door. Oh, heaven! I made an attempt at doing other things, talking to my friends in the hall, helping one with our dance, admiring another's pictures from a recent birthday, but couldn't help watching her, so happy when she looked out the door, caught my eye, and smiled at me. As the class went on, she looked at me more often, usually making faces about how silly the teacher was, or rolling her eyes when she messed up. Every glance sent butterflies skittering down my spine as I laughed with her. When their class finally got out, it was a few minutes of chaos; people got dressed and packed up while others took off outer clothing and settled in. As I sat down to stretch, she appeared, sitting near me to talk about random things. I can't remember a bit of them, I was too busy admiring her big brown eyes, long eyelashes, perfect dark ponytail, loooong legs. MMMMmmmmmmmmm.
Class started, and of course, I stole the spot behind her. I tried to concentrate, but she made it so hard, goofing off, always the perfect angel when the teacher looked over, but wiggling her butt and bouncing around the rest of the time. Even worse, she was wearing a halter top leotard, baring her lusciously creamy skin almost down to her waist, and a teeny tiny pair of short shorts. How could anyone concentrate with that in front of them?
After about 10 minutes, half the class was lip synching to the music and dancing around unabashedly, while the teacher sat down and laughed at us.
Just when order was finally restored, she leaned over in front of me, and pulled her already short shorts up as high as they could go, supposedly to show me that her tights were on the outside of her leotard, instead of the inside. I admired the view, and pretended to get lost in it, asking innocently what I supposed to be looking for after staring for a few moments. We both giggled at it, but I can't help but wondering...
All through class, she continued messing around in front of me, turning around to talk to me, coming back to touch my arm more than once, showing off again and again. I can't help but wonder what's going on. I've watched her since I first saw her, simply because she was the best dancer in the class, and the prettiest by far, but I never noticed her touching anyone so much, or for that matter, talking to anyone so much. I can't help but think I'm imagining it, every girl with a crush reads too deeply into every movement that their crush makes...I know, I know. I'm being silly, but still....it can't hurt to fantasize, can it?

2004-10-17T22:03:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. My new life. Tomorrow, I'm giving my notice at my job. I'm terrified to do this, especially without a new job to fall back on. Unfortunately, I will need to work at my old job until they find a replacement for me to train. So, it will be about a month before I'm really truly out of it, but still, just saying the words is terrifying. I can't imagine what kind of job I'll go to next. The odd hours are going to make it very difficult to find any job, much less one that pays what I need. I'd really like to find one closer to home, though, the 45 minute commute is getting harder and harder, especially when I am beginning it at midnight or after every night, only to get up at 6am to start it all over again. I'm so tired, sick and tired, tired of being sick, sick of being tired. I'm sick of never seeing my man, my friends, my family, sick of coming home in the dark, and leaving in the dark. I wish I could find a job I could do at home, something I could do on the computer or something, so I could do it whenever I wanted. Somehow, I think that is a fantasy land, though, one far far away from here. I know this is for the best, and I will be happier, but I can't help but be terrified at the prospect of not finding a job, especially since I can't start looking now, I can't have a back up plan.
Oh well. If you read this, and have a spare moment, please send me happy thoughts, or prayers, or whichever serve you best. I appreciate any help I can get.

2004-10-13T20:03:00.000-05:00

I clapped and cheered as she turned graceful pirouettes in front of me. When she finally stopped, flushed, to bow and blow me kisses, I laughed along with her. All too soon, she turned away to speak with someone else. A few minutes later, she turned to me again, to despair over a too tight leotard. I offered to fix it, with a wink and a leer, and she giggled again, as did I. Over and over, every few minutes, her gaze would catch mine, as she turned and caught me staring admiringly at her smooth creamy skin, her dark ponytail bobbing so perfectly, her long, graceful legs always so perfect. I had always watched her, who wouldn't? She was clearly the best, the most beautiful, most graceful, teacher's pet without ever encouraging it, most loved in the class. Today, however, I had come to a startling conclusion, after a rare and accidental glimpse of skin.
I have a crush on her. It has been so long since I've felt a "crush" that I almost didn't recognize it. The quickening of the heart, the flush, the sweaty palms, the tongue tied-ness. All things I had thought left far far behind....now rearing up again in my life. I have never had a crush on a girl, always having more of a friendly lust with my female lovers, lust was easy enough to take care of, always leaving as friends, nothing more ever, nothing like the emotional bond I always felt with my male lovers. Now, for the first time, I am feeling it for a girl, a gorgeous, tall, beautiful woman, not girl. Even writing this makes me nervous, I can't believe that one quirky little dancer can do this to me, make me feel clumsy, ashamed, all that comes with a crush. I never thought about it before, never noticed the flirting that has been present since day one, I always flirt with everyone, it's unconscious, my way of getting around paralyzing shyness. I never noticed her flirting back, assuming it was a similar way of hiding...now every move, every smile, every wiggle and wink take on huge meaning. What am I to do?

2004-10-13T08:02:00.000-05:00

I walked in the rain today. I was too hot from dancing, and it felt so good to cool off. After a while, I didn't even notice it, though...there was too much else to be seen. The perfect blonde, trying to run in her high heeled flip flops with her cell phone pressed tightly to her ear...the glowering man with his hood up and books pressed firmly to his chest, pounding angrily along, as if insulted that the rain could touch him...the smiling girl, calm and collected under her umbrella, also giggling at the blonde as her perfectly shaped derriere hit the slick cobblestones with a resounding ~SMACK~...the old janitor, shambling along, not even noticing the cold droplets covering him and broom...and me, clothes plastered to my body by the chilly wind, hair sopping wet and dripping in my eyes, face up, catching raindrops in my mouth and singing softly. I love the rain, I love watching people respond to the rain, I love being the person at annoys people when it rains, I love being the person everyone wants to be while I dance through the puddles and twirl through the wind, I love being the faerie that puts a smile on the unsmiling, uptight, scared of the world old man...the frowning, angry, insulted by everyone woman...the sad child who can't understand why her parents won't let her jump in the puddles...
I can't understand why so many people are afraid of the rain; they let it run their life, hiding from it, glowering when the least little cloud obscures "their" sun...

2004-10-04T18:39:00.000-05:00

As I watched the bride standing there, staring into her grooms eyes, all I could think about was how soft her skin was, how she tasted, how she moaned when I slid my fingers inside her and flicked her clit with my tongue. Great way to pass a boring wedding, fantasize about the (now) forbidden fruit. She looked beautiful, all in white, but not near as breathtaking as when she was nude. Soft but undrooping breasts, ever so slightly rounded belly, long shapely legs, silky smooth skin. I remembered licking her until she screamed, while her (then) boyfriend slammed into me from behind, slapping my ass as hard as he could, ramming me face first into her sweet pussy over and over and over...
Flashes, flashes, nothing longer than a second, flash onto the overly strong vodka and sprite they gave me the first night. Flash onto seeing my (then) boyfriend kissing her, while her boyfriend kissed me hard, then leaned back and hit me as hard as he could. mmmmm...that was so intense...He has been the only man who was ever that rough with me. I almost wish I could get that from my current man, but that's not something you ask for...asking for such things always ruins the pleasure in getting them. So...I fantasize in private. Flash onto the slight awkwardness as everything wraps up, my boyfriend and I driving away, the frenzied sex with him that night, reliving the amazing first-time.
Flash onto the many times the bride has kissed me, long, sweet, gentle kisses, soft lips, soft tongues, soft hands, oh, so soft. Parking lots, strip clubs, couches, kitchens, driveways...mmmm...kisses. No more kisses...all given up for a ring.
It's always such a sad time when a girlfriend gets married, especially to a man who isn't confident enough in his sexuality to let his wife play with other girls. I can't imagine giving up that sweet, soft, gentle touch for a man. I can't imagine giving up the rough, intense, needy touch of a man for any woman. I can't understand how anyone could...but I suppose I'm not them, eh?

2004-10-04T10:30:00.000-05:00

KISS

2004-10-01T14:31:00.000-05:00

Okay, so usually I'm not into movie stars at all. I mean, why look at something you can't have? But, today, I have discovered a definite weakness for Milla Jovovich. I've always been in love with The 5th Element, so when it popped into my head today, I mentioned it to a friend. Wow, did I pick the right friend!!! He instantly popped up with about 10 pics of Milla, in various states of undress. *drools and quivers* So, I had to share my favorites. Hope no one minds *winks* Sorry no deep and introspective post today, I'm sick as a dog, and can think of nothing more that curling up under my desk with a big teddy bear and not coming out until I feel human again, or 4pm this afternoon, whichever comes first. These pics are substituting as my teddy bear. *grins*
Enjoy!

2004-10-01T14:30:00.001-05:00

Milla Jovovich

2004-10-01T14:30:00.000-05:00

Milla Jovovich

2004-09-30T19:06:00.000-05:00

As I slip into the slightly too hot water, you run your hand down my back. It give me the chills, and I drop the final few inches, splashing everything. We both giggle for a second, then I settle back against your warm chest, sighing in contentment. I slowly drift off as you rub your hands up and down my arms and legs. I can feel your breath, hot on my neck. I can feel your cock, hot against my back. I can feel you, enfolding me, protecting me, warming me, loving me. I feel so content, safe, warm, complete.
Your caressing hands slowly move inwards, to the insides of my thighs. I sigh softly and settle slightly off to one side, so your left hand has easy access to my pussy, while the other settles softly on my breast, cupping it, squeezing slightly, softly, warm from the water. Your left hand moves in slow circles, up and down my thighs as you breath softly in my ear. "So beautiful" you mummer, and your fingers graze against my lips. I nod slowly, willing to agree to anything you say. One finger slips between my lips, slowly tracing, up and down, avoiding my clit ever so carefully. I push slightly against your finger, wanting a harsher touch, but it only makes you remove your hand, and cup my breast. Now, holding both, you squeeze softly, bouncing them, admiring them. "So perfect" you whisper, hot in my ear, tickling me, making a chill rush through my body again.
I lean to the side so that I can turn around and kiss you, gently, softly, nibbling the tiniest bit, running my tongue over your lips. You relent, and return your hand to my pussy, rubbing again, but still staying away from my clit, dipping occasionally down to my ass, but never inside, just a gentle caress. I turn a little more, dislodging your right hand from my breast, so that I can touch your chest, playing with your nipple, playing gently with the ring through it. You sigh and relax even more, sliding down a few inches in the hot water, pushing your hardening cock against my ass. I wrap my free hand around it, feeling the heat even through the hot water, squeezing hard, then releasing to watch it swell, faster and faster. Your hand reflects your growing excitement, rubbing faster, pausing to circle me, feeling how hot and wet I am. I push against you again, trying to convey my need, but you back off, pulling my lips closed, and rubbing your hand over them.
Suddenly, your eyes open. "Get up" you tell me. I comply, mourning for an instant the wonderful hot bath. You stand up beside me, then lean over to kiss me, hard, quick. "Out." I climb out of the tub, and hand you a towel before taking one for myself. You toss the towel on the floor and climb out after me, pick me up, and deposit me on the edge of the sink. I giggle for a second, then gasp as you sink to the hilt inside of me. "My god," I moan, "Oh my god"
You just stand there, looking at me with a raised eyebrow, waiting,waiting for something. I lean back to look at you, look at us, I love seeing you so deep inside of me. I stare, waiting for you to move. Finally, I give up on waiting, and clamp down hard on you, pushing you out. You smile at me "Good girl." I smile back, and stay clamped shut as hard as I can. You grab my hips and slid in again, I can't keep you out when I'm so wet. Slowly you fuck me, slow in, letting me push you out, god, it feels so good. I lean back further, shoulders against the mirror, and play with your gorgeous nipples, lightly tugging the ring, pinching and grabbing the other. You encourage me, pumping harder, faster. Sometimes slower, sometimes faster, all feeling so good, touching every part of me, I can feel every part of you inside, god, so good. Suddenly you pull out, and grab me off of my perch.
I drop to my knees, eager to taste myself on you, eager to taste you when you cum for me. I look up at you as I slowly suck you into my mouth, inch by inch, bit by bit. when I'm down as far as I can go, only an inch or so remains. You groan and tangle your fingers in my hair as I wrap my hand around your base, then slowly pull back. Suddenly, it's too much for you. You hold me by my hair and fuck my face, slowly, always pushing how much I can take, but never hurting me, harder, faster, harder, faster, until I'm almost gagging, tears running down my face, but you can't see them, you're too far, you can't stop now...
Your whole body stiffens, and you pull out of my mouth, grabbing your cock in your hand, squeezing and moaning, holding on to the wall. I lean forward, and suck the head into my mouth, sure to catch every last drop. You come hard, hitting my throat, making me gag again, but I swallow instead, clamping down with my teeth automatically, making you cry out and jerk, but it's too late, I have ahold of you....I suck as hard as I can, making you moan again, again, again, until you push me off, to tender to stand it anymore. I smile up at you as you stagger over to the edge of the tub. Sitting down now, you gesture me over, get back into the tub. I shrug and comply, feeling so much more relaxed now.
You take the shower head off of the wall, and turn it on, letting the tub drain slowly. I smile, knowing what you plan. The water feels so good on my body, washing across my nipples, my belly, down onto my clit. You turn it on harder, watching with a smile as it pounds on my clit. I pull my lips back to allow you better access, and you slide 3 fingers in, fucking me hard with them as the harsh stream of water vibrates my exposed clit. Suddenly, there, there, oh yes, right there, you found it, don't stop now! I moan and thrust against your hand, feeling the orgasm building quickly, quickly, to quickly to stop. You know better than to stop, holding the water steady as I buck against the sides of the tub, crying out as fast as I can get breath, pushing hard against your hand as you slide in a fourth finger, then going stiff and the orgasm explodes through my body, rocking back and forth slowly, milking every last second of pleasure out of it. Pushing your fingers out of me, writhing away from the water, not needing the stimulation anymore, lost in my own fantasy world.

2004-09-30T16:59:00.000-05:00

Alone

2004-09-30T07:35:00.000-05:00

I swallowed the small white pill he handed me with a cup of water, then turned and crawled into bed. Yummy sleep lay just moments away, I was sure. After dozing for a few minutes, I heard him call me. "There's something in here!" Curious, I sat up and got out of bed. Only after I was in the front room, in front of the wide open front door, did I realize that I was naked. I shrugged, and looked in the kitchen, where he was pointing. A pile of black and white was moving in disturbing patterns. I finally realized it was a cat when it got up and started moving around again. "oooooo kitty" I mumbled, stumbling into the kitchen to try to catch it. It allowed me to hold him, pick him up, but when it realized I was taking him back to the front door, it gently but firmly slipped out of my arms. I cried out "kitty!", than looked up at him, confused. "I thought you wanted it out?"
He laughed, "You're so cute. No, I just thought it would cheer you up to play with it for a while."
"oh....where did it go?" I retreated to the comfort of my hands and knees, delighting for a moment in the intricate patterns the carpet made as it danced between my hands. I crawled around, ignoring him smiling at me from the still open door. Finally, I spotted it, investigating the bathroom. I crouched down and stretched my hand towards it, but it remembered what I had wanted earlier, and was having none of that. It leaped over me, and ran out the front door. I had lost interest in it, however. The carpeted floor had fallen away from me on both sides. Not steeply, just a nice, comfortable shallow hill...almost like I was sitting on the back of a recliner. I sat still, content to watch the movement of the individual carpet fibers while I kept my balance on my small perch. Suddenly, he was in front of me, grabbing my arms. I looked up, and recoiled in horror. It wasn't him! Wait, it had to be, but he looked so different. Skin darker, more facial hair, reflecting light in odd ways. He half carried me back to the bedroom, where I stopped once again beside the bed. "This isn't the bed" I mumbled, looking around franticly for where the bed was. "Where is my bed?"
I vaguely heard him laugh. "This is the bed, lay down" I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew that this wasn't my bed. I didn't have a chance to ponder it much longer, though, as my body was crawling onto the rocking, wiggling, wildly sloping mattress.

~blank~

Suddenly, the lights were out, I was asleep, and he was pushing on me. "You really need to get on your side"

~blank~

beep
beep
full bladder
cold legs
dizziness
sleepiness....Let me sleep!

I know for a fact that was a simple sleeping pill...But wow. I can't decide if I liked it or not. I intensely like the fact that he could (and may) have taken complete advantage of my while I slept, and I would wake up completely unaware. I dislike the disorientation of the previous night. I dislike looking at him and thinking, being absolutely sure, that it isn't him. It was all very confusing. Should I do it again?

2004-09-29T09:01:00.000-05:00

I went home last night, a-quiver with excitement over my new toy (this journal). After my normal long, boring 11pm drive, I bounced up to the house, only to find him asleep, curled up on the bare mattress, sheets and pillows and blankets carelessly tossed onto my side of the bed.
I sighed, took a quick shower, and proceeded to organize the bed to my liking, covering him gently, smiling at the mumbled "luv you", then shoving all the rest too the floor before curling up in my oldest, rattiest, most comfortable blanket. I wrapped myself around my body pillow, and settled in for a good nights sleep. Then I waited. And waited. Turned over. Waited some more. Cuddled with him. Waited some more. Moved away again. Waited some more. Let him turn over and cuddle with me. Told him that yes, I missed him, and would try to be home earlier tomorrow. Waited some more. Rolled over, out from underneath his arm. Waited some more. Around 3am, I gave up, got up, and drank some milk. Chocolate milk, of course. Miraculously, it worked. When the alarm clock went off at 6am, I actually woke up, mouth full of sour milk taste. Sleep is so underrated!

2004-09-28T22:19:00.000-05:00

I sometimes wonder if people and invoices aren't much the same. When an invoice comes into being, it is so important, it stands for so much money, and it occasionally has many sisters and brothers, or sometimes none. When a person comes into being, it is very important, is takes up so much money, and sometimes is by itself, and occasionally has many brother or sisters. As times goes by, and invoice is tucked into an envelope, and passed on to the company who it will spend the rest of it's life with. As time goes by, a person is tucked off to college and life, and meets the person it will spend the rest of it's life with. As time goes by, that invoice is coded, paid for, and filed away. As time goes by, that person finds a job, is paid for it, and works and works some more. As time goes by, that invoice occasionally spawns credits and debits. As time goes by, that person spawns more little people. As time goes by, that invoice slowly molders away to naught in that large, cold, uncaring file cabinet. As time goes by, that person slowly grows old and sickens in this large, cold, uncaring world. As time goes by, someone empties that file cabinet, carelessly tossing that invoice into the trash, to be recycled into some new invoice someday. As time goes by, that person will die, and be put into the ground, to provide sustenance for the next generation...

2004-09-28T21:31:00.000-05:00

I walk into the room, warm and barely dry, hair sopping wet, dripping down my back, cooling off my skin, a welcome change from the steamy shower. He is on the bed, eyes closed, waiting, drifting, waiting...
I climb up the bed, over him, letting my hair drip over on the sheets and his cool skin. He gasps as I tickle him all over with it. I gasp as he grabs me and rolls over onto me, pushing me down into the mass of pillows and blankets, kissing me gently, nibbling my lip, then nipping harder. His hands wander over my neck and shoulders, then lower, caressing the outsides of my breasts, down over my ribcage and belly, then back up to cup my breasts again, as his mouth moves lower, lower, licking along my collarbone, sucking hard, nipping, trying to break the skin, then kissing gently, kissing the pain away. I feel his warm breath on my nipple, first one, than the other, back and forth, never touching, just warm, hot, so hot. Then, fiery pain as his teeth capture one, hard, grinding sensitive flesh against hard, unyielding metal. I cry out, shocked.
His hand leaves my breast to cover my mouth, as his mouth stays firmly clamped on my nipple. I moan and writhe, body fighting, fighting, fighting to turn pain into pleasure. Suddenly the hand is gone, and his mouth replaces it, roughly demanding, hard kisses, teeth, tongue, demanding. The sudden lack of pain is worse than I can imagine. I whimper, wanting it back, needing it so badly. I can feel him reaching for something, but can't see what it is. Then, oh, blessed relief. The pain returns, twice as good, ten times as bad, relief. I feel the cold of the chain the connects the nipple clamps. As he moves slightly to clamp the other nipple, I scream, the intensity of pain in a second spot almost too much. Lost in the my world of pain/pleasure, I almost miss him saying "good girl, good girl, shhhh" as he strokes my belly, sides, thighs, breasts.
Slowly, I come down, body tingling, alive, almost vibrating, waiting for what will come next. I shake and gasp, world dark as he gently pulls a corner of the sheet over my eyes. He never bothers to blindfold me, knowing that I wouldn't dare move that sheet, no matter how much I need to know what's coming. I whimper, waiting, hearing him breath, feeling his weight hovering above me. I can tell he's watching me, almost touching me occasionally. I can feel his amusement as I flinch when I imagine I can hear him raising his hand. Suddenly he grabs my hand and pulls it to the top corner of the bed. No rope, nothing to hold it there, nothing but the knowledge that he wants it there. The other hand follows, pulled to the other corner. My legs are left free, he loves to see me squirm and writhe as I try to sense what is coming next. He strokes my face, slipping a finger into my mouth, letting me suck it as I shake, whimper, crave his attention. He must sense how much I need the pain, how my body is burning for more, more, release from this torture, my nipples shining bright behind my closed eyes, bright with the glorious pain/pleasure. I feel the cold of the second chain as he drags it down to my below my waist, I feel the third clamp, rubbing on my thigh. I open my legs and strain up, please, please, please, I need it. He rubs me, calming me "Soon, darling. Soon..."
I moan and beg, body shaking. Then, the first touch. With one finger, he touches my hot lips, sliding in between them, opening them up without touching anything inside. He blows on me, cooling me with a breath that seemed so hot before, now so cold. He traces my lips, my every fold with the clamp, warming it up before tenderly setting it on one lip. He leaves it there for a second, watching me shiver with the blessed pain, but it isn't enough, and he knows it. With a sharp tug to the chain, it comes off, leaving a sharp blossom that, for a moment, is enough. I sigh in relief, then beg for it again. Please. Please, I need it.
Again he touches me, soft gentle touches that do nothing to relieve me. Then, for a second, both hands are off of me. I hold my breath, knowing that it is coming.
Again, I scream as the harsh clamp finds my clit without warning. He slaps my thigh and demands silence, then sits back to watch me shake and moan, careful even in my ecstasy not to move my hands or dislodge the cover over my eyes. My hips move spasticly, thrusting against the air, making the clamp bounce up and down, intensifying the enormous pain blasting through me.
Finally, I am able to stop moving, and lay there gasping for breath, moaning, begging. I feel him sit up, then move off of the bed. Then I hear the door close. I can't hear his breath, I can't feel him. I cry out. I know better than to move from where he left me. How long would it be?

A beginning

2004-09-28T20:12:00.000-05:00

I have come to realize that there is a problem with my life. As with most, I love to discuss my sex life. Unfortunately, I don't wish to share it with everyone that I know. So, I have decided to share it here...a little exibitionist thrill and the freedom to say what I want without the worry that my great aunt Lulu will read it.

Okay, I'll confess, I have no great aunt Lulu. But I do have more than a couple good Christian relatives who would not like to hear about my lust to be dominated, or exactly what those hair clips are doing on my headboard. I also need someplace to vent the more erotic thoughts and ponderings that build up in my head, day after day, until they overflow in a mass orgy of naughtiness. Just thinking about being able to speak my mind has got me all a-tingle. Of course, that thought that you are reading this throws a little wrench into the whole fantasy, but who am I to judge?